Alzheimer's, Dementia, and A DOLL FOR GRANDMA

With more than 6 million Americans living with Alzheimer's or dementia (2021 Alzheimer's Facts and Figures), you may know someone affected. The enormous changes in family dynamics are hard to handle and hard to explain to children. That's why I really like the book I won from author Paulette Boching Sharkey, illustrated by Samatha Woo, and published by Beaming Books. 

A Doll for Grandma: A Story about Alzheimer's Disease shows a close, fun relationship between young Kiera and her Grandma. Kiera notices changes in Grandma that she doesn't understand. Mom explains that there's something wrong with Grandma's brain. When Grandma is moved to a memory care home, Kiera tries to think of ways to reconnect with the Grandma she knew. With her mom's help, Kiera's idea of getting Grandma a doll did the trick. They were able to enjoy their dolls together and establish a different, but still special relationship. The book includes a page for grownups by Judy Cornish, "Helping Children Understand Alzheimer's Disease." While real life may differ, this book gives adults a way to help children understand, with encouraging ideas of how to connect and engage the person with dementia.

Sometimes the process of living with Alzheimer's or dementia is called "the long goodbye." This is well described by my friend Carmen Graber, who graciously allowed me to post her poem here. 

A LETTER TO MY FATHER

Dear Papa

I know, I know

I never called you papa

While I was growing up.

It was always “dad”

I called out

When I needed help

When I needed advice

Or when I just needed to know I was loved.

You were always there

Sometimes even before I called.

You taught me how to love,

How to serve,

How to talk to anyone and everyone,

How to have faith in God and myself.

You guided me into the person I am today

You were my hero, my dad.

And then came a disease called Alzheimer’s.

It began to take pieces of you

And hide them from view:

Slowly at first

Then faster and faster

Until all of my dad was hidden,

Blocked from view.

This is when you became papa.

You no longer responded to dad,

And you no longer responded to me as your daughter.

My heart was broken

And I was devastated.

But a new relationship was needed

Because you needed my help, my guidance and my love.

I was now a new person to you

And you were a new person to me

And that is how you became papa.

Together we journeyed this uncharted territory

Through your anger and fear,

Through your stories of the past

Both real and created in your clouded mind.

I grieved for the man I had lost

While you struggled to find your way back.

Sometimes, when I took your hand

And looked deep into your eyes,

I could catch a glimpse of my dad,

But just as quickly, he was gone

And you became papa again.

This went on for years

Until your mind betrayed your body

And it too began to fail.

Only then did dad began to return.

But dad was too weak to speak

Too weak to open his eyes

Too weak to hold my hand.

Then one cold night

You slipped away

Joining dad and papa

Making you whole once again

When you returned to your heavenly home.

Now after all these years,

I am telling our story.

I am saying my farewell to you

My father, my dad and my papa.

I will love you forever

And miss you for always

Till I see you again.

~Carmen Graber, Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved

Research continues, and we hope for the day when we will have solid answers for prevention and treatment. Find help and support at the Alzheimer's Association.